When Life Feels Like It's Happening to You—Not by You
You know the feeling. Scrolling without thinking. Zoning out in meetings. Moving through your day like you're watching it happen from somewhere outside yourself.
Autopilot isn't inherently bad—it's a collection of habits that help us stay consistent and efficient. But when autopilot becomes our default mode, it can leave us feeling disconnected, stuck, or like life is just happening to us rather than being created by us.
Shifting from autopilot to agency means noticing the moments where you do have choice and gradually building the capacity to take action that feels aligned.
Understanding Mental Wellness vs. Mental Health vs. Mental Illness
Before we go further, let's clarify three terms that often get used interchangeably—but mean very different things.
Mental Illness: A clinically diagnosed condition that significantly impacts how a person thinks, feels, behaves, or relates to others (e.g., clinical depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, etc). Mental illness isn't a personal weakness—it's a medical condition that requires proper treatment, support, and care.
Mental Health: Your overall state of mental functioning—how you think, process emotions, handle stress, and interact with the world. Everyone has mental health, just like everyone has physical health. It exists on a spectrum, from struggling to thriving.
Mental Wellness: The proactive practice of nurturing your mind and emotions to cultivate balance, resilience, and well-being. Mental wellness goes beyond the absence of illness—it's about intentionally building practices that help you feel grounded, fulfilled, and capable of growth.
In other words:
Mental illness = a diagnosed condition
Mental health = the state of your mind (everyone has it)
Mental wellness = the intentional care you give to support your mental health
Why This Distinction Matters
Support for mental illness typically involves treatment plans, psychotherapy, and sometimes medication. Support for mental wellness goes one step further, emphasizing not just the absence of illness but the presence of resilience, balance, and thriving.
I experienced this difference firsthand. After going to therapy on and off for 10 years and taking medication toward the end, I reached a point where I no longer felt depressed or anxious—but I also didn't feel much at all.
It wasn't until I hired my own life coach that everything changed. Coaching helped me move beyond living on autopilot to building a life that actually felt meaningful and alive. It gave me tools not just to reconnect with my emotions, but to utilize them, to set intentions, and to grow into the version of myself I wanted to be.
Best Practices for Mental Wellness
In our increasingly fast-paced world, we've normalized the idea of needing to "keep calm" (and carry on). But calm is not the point. Take emotions like guilt, apathy, or loneliness, for example. Is "calming down" relevant here?
The point is emotional regulation—the ability to manage your emotional experiences, including having agency over which emotions you have, when they are felt, and how intensely they are experienced and expressed.
Here are some best practices for mental wellness:
Pause to Check In
A few times a day, ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? Awareness and identification of your emotions will help you understand your internal compass, leading you to actions aligned with what your emotions are telling you.
Ground in the Present
Feeling overwhelmed? Overstimulated? Dissociated? Use a 5-senses practice (notice 1 thing you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste) to bring your attention back to the moment.
Micro-Resets
Keep a short list of activities that help you reset—stepping outside, a 2-minute breathing practice, journaling a few sentences—for those moments when you're able to pause.
Anticipating Common Blocks
Let's be honest. It's 2025, and if you were able to access this guide, you've likely heard of many of the tools out on the internet. If anything, you may have found yourself in a case of analysis paralysis or just don't have a safe space in which to try something new.
If that's you, you may come across these common blocks:
Overwhelm
When everything feels urgent, slowing down can feel impossible. Start by breaking up a task into smaller ones. Still overwhelmed? It may not be small enough.
Numbing Habits
Scrolling, snacking, or zoning out might help in the short term but keep you stuck in autopilot. Instead of judging them, identify the need underneath (comfort, distraction, escape) and experiment with a gentler option.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
What might you be trying to avoid feeling with all-or-nothing thinking? And what does this kind of thinking protect you from?
Turning Intention Into Habit
Choose One Anchor Practice
Pick a single supportive practice (like daily check-ins or a breathing exercise) and tie it to an existing routine—for example, doing it before meals or when you open your laptop. Tip: stick a reminder on your laptop or inside your fridge.
Track Small Wins
Keep a simple list or journal to notice when you chose agency over autopilot. Celebrating these small moments helps reinforce change.
Build Gradually
Once one habit feels natural, layer in another. Momentum grows from consistency, not intensity.
Agency Is Built in Small Steps
Shifting from autopilot to agency isn't about perfection—it's about noticing, choosing, and practicing, over and over again. Every time you pause, ground, and act with intention, you strengthen your ability to show up in ways that truly serve you.
Agency is built in small, consistent, and intentional steps.
Reflection Prompt
Think of a recent time you noticed yourself on autopilot (maybe scrolling late at night or zoning out in a meeting).
What were you trying to feel—or not feel—in that moment?
Work With Me
I work with people navigating change, seeking clarity, or feeling stuck in their current season of life. As a Mastery Method-trained coach, I bring a grounded and compassionate approach to the coaching process. My work is about helping you reconnect with yourself, uncover what truly matters, and move forward with confidence.
In our sessions, I hold space for both the challenges and the possibilities—so you can feel supported while also being gently stretched into growth. People often leave our work feeling more empowered, self-aware, and equipped to set clear boundaries and take meaningful, aligned action.
Ready to dig deeper?
Start with a free 20-minute clarity call.
