Sometimes, fear doesn't feel like fear. Sometimes, it feels like common sense, or a personality trait, or just the way the world is - which is partly why it can end up running so much of our life without us ever noticing.
So here's a question for you: What is one fear you've outgrown?
The fear that wasn't mine (until it was)
One fear I've outgrown is dogs, which is funny if you've been following my journey, because you already know I have a pitbull.
But I didn't come out of the womb afraid of dogs - that fear was learned. My mom is terrified of them, big or small, doesn't matter, and growing up in our house, dogs weren't cute or comforting. They were a danger.
That fear felt completely normal to me at the time, which is exactly the trap of learned fear: it can feel like it's coming from your own instincts, when really it was nurtured by the environment you grew up in.
How fear loosens its grip: experience, not willpower
Then I went to college, where one of my roommates was obsessed with pitbulls. It felt like she somehow found one at every party we went to, and I'd look up and see her cuddled up with it on a couch somewhere.
After watching that happen about a dozen times, I started learning through experience just how loving pitbulls can actually be - and that mattered, because it wasn't just a new idea I'd picked up. It was a new experience that was evidence for me.
That's the thing about outgrowing fear: it's rarely one clean mental reframe. It's usually a slow accumulation of moments your body learns to trust.
Pitbulls and bully breeds are so misrepresented in the world, and I wanted to be part of changing that - which is how I ended up with my first dog, Bleu. Bleu wasn't a headline - Bleu was what helped fully uproot my fear.
"I didn't just get over it"
With my current dog, it's even clearer: I didn't just "get over" fear. I created evidence my whole self could believe, not just my brain. I built trust and I developed a new default.
So when I think about the question "what fear have you outgrown," for me it's not just "I'm not scared of dogs anymore." It's that I'm not automatically afraid of something just because someone taught me to be - and that's opened up a bigger question for me: what other fears am I still carrying that were never mine to begin with? That's the part that feels like real growth.
Taking the question into the wild
After sharing my own answer, I took the question out into the world. I was at a speaking engagement at The Business Mingle - a networking event with business people from all over Silicon Valley and beyond - and I asked people if they'd answer on camera: What is one fear you've outgrown?
I expected quick answers. What I got was much more human. People talked about outgrowing fears of public karaoke, public speaking, walking up to strangers, networking, not being liked, water, advocating for themselves, and asking for what they want.
Different fears, but same energy - the kind that doesn't just live in your head, but shapes your behavior, your relationships, and your whole life.
Outgrowing fear usually doesn't happen in one brave moment
Here's what became really clear to me: outgrowing fear usually doesn't happen in one brave moment.
It's a series of tiny moments where you don't abandon yourself - not about being fearless or fixing yourself, just finding one step that proves to your body: I'm safe enough to be here now.
Your turn
If you can, don't just name the fear. Name the moment you realized it didn't have a hold on you anymore.
Drop it in the comments (or write it down for yourself if you're not ready to share yet) - I genuinely want to read them.
If you want the full experience - my story, the sidewalk interviews, and the reflection that ties it together - watch the episode on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@heartontherise